Change is possible with the role of Jesus Christ as deliverer, counselor and Lord.
Patrick Pridgen
In Romans 1:18-31,the apostle Paul,
inspired by the Holy Spirit, writes this: "The wrath of GOD is being
revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of
men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what is known about
GOD is plain to them, because GOD has made it plain to them ......for
although they knew GOD, they neither glorified Him as GOD nor gave
thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts
were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became
fools...therefore GOD gave them over in the sinful desires of their
hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one
another .....He gave them over to shameful lusts .....men also abandoned
natural relations with women ...were inflamed with lust for one another
...committed indecent acts with other men...they did not think it
worthwhile to retain the knowledge of GOD, He gave them over to a
depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become
filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity ...are
full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossipers,
slanderers, GOD-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful...are senseless,
faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know GOD's righteous
decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only
continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice
them. "
Today, as I reflect upon these verses, I praise God that I
am a sinner saved by grace. God's word is sharper than a two-edged sword,
and reveals the utter depravity of my condition before Him. I was a
dead-man walking until May 31,2006, when I called upon the name of
Jesus, gloriously broken, asking Him to be my Saviour. I thank God that
He loved me enough to send His Son, Jesus, who lived a sinless life,
obedient to the point of death, was nailed to a cross, burdened with my
sin and shame, and died a death that I so rightfully deserve, raising
Him on the third day so that all who believe in Him should not perish
but have eternal life.
I was born in Whiteville, NC on March 12,
1971. I was named Swift Ernest in honor of my maternal grandfather. I
am the oldest of 3 children, with a sister, Lucinda, and a brother,
Eric. My parents, Floyd and Sue, raised me in a Christian home,
"training me up in the way". I grew up believing in God, although the
God I thought I knew then is nothing compared to the God I have come
to know. We were church-goers, although our 'church' didn't necessarily
teach anything about God, rather we were taught to obey a certain
elder who had everyone convinced that she was the way to the Lord,
and unless we did as she commanded, we would go to hell. We stopped
attending church when I was 12, and it would be many years before I
entered another.
I left home when I was 18 and moved to
Wilmington. Thus began a long journey into a sinful life of sexual
immorality, alcohol and drug use, and running from the Lord. As I
said, I've always believed in God, but I saw Him as an imperious One who had a list of rules that I had to follow, and I
simply wanted to live my life my way. I figured I had plenty of time to do
what I wanted to do, before having to do what He wanted me to do. I
entered into a homosexual lifestyle, having several relationships
before 'settling down' with a man whom I thought would be my
life-partner. In the spring of 1998, the Lord began to deal with me.
He visited me in a dream, of which I can remember as if I dreamt it last
night. Later that fall, following surgery to remove a cancerous
testicle, I was admitted to the hospital where I learned that I had
AIDS, and almost died. This hospital stay had been revealed to me in
the dream I mentioned earlier. I recall that stay so vividly. I was
scared to death, aware that if I died, I would die without knowing
Christ, and would spend eternity separated from him in a place called
Hell. I confessed to my Mom, who was there with me, that I knew I had
not lived a life that was pleasing to God, and I was ashamed, and I
was even more ashamed that I didn't feel that I knew how to pray to ask forgiveness.
She and I prayed the Lord's Prayer together; neither of us knew exactly
how or what we should pray, we just knew that God would hear, and
that He knew our hearts. I know that she continued her prayers through the
evening. In the early morning, praise God, my fever broke. I was
given the privilege of awakening to another day and a second chance. I look
back on that night and I am so thankful that He was there with me and
saw fit to preserve my life. "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." (Exodus 33:19) I
do believe that night was the point of my salvation. However, when I
was released to return home, I chose to continue living with the gentleman
with whom I shared a home, despite being encouraged by my Mom to move
back to Whiteville. I could handle it, so I thought. True repentance
is to tum away from one's sin, and not look back. As good as my
intentions were, I found myself entrapped once more in a rebellious
lifestyle that involved homosexuality, drug-use, perversion, and every kind
of wickedness. For the next eight years I continued to do things my
way, and despite all that the Lord allowed me to experience to get my
attention, I continued to run. My life became a blur. Relationships
failed, parties never satisfied, drugs never full-filled, nothing
could fill up the hole I had in my heart ...yet I couldn't put my finger
on what it was that I was supposed to be doing...nor finding
whatever it was that I knew would take away the awful sadness and
loneliness that I felt. The Lord dealt with me again in the spring of
2006, and I was at that point gloriously broken, so ready for the change
I knew I needed to make,and having a keen understanding of what was
required of me in order for that change to transpire. The Lord had
sent several godly Christians into my life for the purpose of praying
for me, encouraging me, loving me: shattering the image I had of such
people. I had been attending services at Stony Hill Baptist Church, and
had spoken with Pastor Jamie Dew on several occasions about
salvation. On May 31,2006, I was awakened by such a conviction that I
needed to get saved. Pastor Jamie and I met at the Food Court at
Triangle Town Center Mall ....and over lunch we discussed what
needed to happen .... and if I was ready. I was. I received Christ as my
Saviour that day, and my life has never been the same. Praise God!
It
has been four years since I surrendered my life to Christ. I have to
admit that my walk with Him was, in the beginning, far more
challenging than I anticipated. I know that those who are in Christ are
new creations, the old has gone, the new has come. (2 Cor. 5:17) I
honestly expected that to be an immediate experience. In the first year,
I continued to struggle with my past lifestyle. I had 'friends' who
tried to convince me that it was OK to be gay, that God changes, and I
could be who I was and still serve Him. I still faced, and succumbed
to the temptation of drugs and alcohol. He has carried me through
some difficult times and He has placed godly men and women in my path to
encourage me, pray with and for me, and hold me accountable,
reminding me that "no temptation had seized me except what is common to
man, and God is faithful: He will not allow you to be tempted beyond
what you can bear. And when you are tempted, He will also provide a
way out so that you can stand up under it." (I Cor. 10:13) I was also
prompted through His word to "not conform to the pattern of this
world, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind", (Rom. 12:2) ,
and in Colossians 2:8 He urged me to "see to it that no one takes
you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on
human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on
Christ", and that if I am to follow after Him, I must" take up my cross"
DAILY, (Matthew 16:24) and "stand firm and you will see the deliverance
the Lord will bring you today." (Exodus 14:13) My walk with Him is
still challenging, but I am learning how to follow Him, instead of
trying to lead the way myself.
I can say with all confidence that
I now have the peace that surpasses all understanding, which I now know
was what I had been searching for my whole life. He has done great
things in my life, and I am confident that He will continue to work in me.
I have this assurance because He continues to reveal Himself to me
through His word, which cannot lie; also in the blessings that He
allows to come my way. I am living proof to the power of God through
salvation. I am as healthy today as I've ever been, in spite of
living with HIV. The virus has remained undetectable for 4 years now.
Proverbs 18:22 says that "whoever finds a good wife finds what is
good and receives blessing from the Lord." I have been blessed
immeasurably more than I could have ever hoped for myself with a wife
who has allowed Him to work in her as we grow together in Him. We
celebrated our 1 year anniversary on May 31st. He has further blessed me
with the responsibility as a dad to two wonderful step-sons, Daniel
and Erik. He has been faithful in His promise to me in Jeremiah 29:11 in
that "He has a plan for me, plans for prosperity and not evil, to
give me hope and a future." I am excited with what He has done thus far,
I eagerly anticipate all that He has in store for me, and I look
forward to eternity with Him. And when the storm clouds arise, I
cling to my favorite verses: Isaiah 40:28-31 - " Have you not known,
have you not heard, the Lord is the Everlasting God, the Creator of
the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His
understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and
increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and
young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew
their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run
and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint", "for I have told
you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will
have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
Amen.
I close with this: "I am not ashamed of the gospel of
Christ, because it is the power of God to salvation of everyone who
believes," (Rom. 1:16) "therefore, there is now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus, for through Christ Jesus the Spirit of
life set me free from the law of sin and death." (Rom. 8: 1-2)
